Academy of Adoption & Assisted Reproduction Attorneys

Guide Advocate Protect

Month: November 2021

A Visual Reminder

We used to keep a post-it-note on our office fridge where we kept a running number of foster care children who were adopted with the help of our office. One day our court runner asked us about the meaning of the post-it-note. Later, he surprised us with this beautiful homemade sign. It now has a place of pride in our lobby and we enjoy updating it every week.

— Heather Strickland is the Vice President of AAAA and practices adoption law in Arizona. Learn more about her practice at ArizonaAdoptionLaw.com

POSITIVITY, PATIENCE AND LOVE

My agency, Adoptions of Wisconsin, had the privilege of helping Laura and Paul with their adoption. They are inspiring in their positive approach, especially considering that the Covid-19 pandemic hit just as their lives were changing in ways they couldn’t imagine.

Like many families pursuing adoption to build their family, Laura and Paul began their adoption journey after struggling with infertility. It was natural for them to consider adoption, given that several of their friends had adopted children, or had been adopted themselves.

The adoption process was neither easy nor swift; Laura and Paul noted that some parts moved quickly while others went more slowly. After beginning to work with Adoptions of Wisconsin, the couple felt that, “Once you finish all the paperwork and other steps it seems like it should be easy, but that’s when it gets tough.” While this can be a common feeling for waiting families, Laura and Paul made the best of their down time.

While waiting, Paul and Laura made a determined effort to stay positive while using their time to learn as much as they could about adoption and parenting. Knowing that their lives would drastically change once they had a child, the couple also used their time together to have fun and stay busy by traveling and going to concerts.

Even while striving for positivity and hopefulness, many couples still experience worrisome “what ifs” in the adoption process. Laura recalls that while facing the possibility of not having a successful match, the couple had some difficult conversations that gave them “some focus, control and helped us put things in perspective.”

After a two-year period of waiting (mostly) patiently for a match, Laura and Paul’s long wait came to an end rather abruptly. Just like that, they were matched with a birth mother… with only four days to go before she was due to give birth! Although it was exactly the news they had been waiting for, it was also the beginning of the Covid-19 pandemic. This brought them a great deal of uncertainty and worry. The couple remarks that, “It seemed like the worst time to get what should be good news, but as it turned out, a newborn was a great curveball and diversion for the two of us and our families!”

Unbeknownst to Laura and Paul, their adoption journey was not over and the hardest part was yet to come. Their son, Liam, encountered some frightening health complications a few weeks after birth. Laura and Paul recognize that this obstacle could not have been controlled or prevented and that it was the scariest point of their journey. After several days in the newborn intensive care unit (NICU), Liam thankfully recovered and could return home with Laura and Paul. The family reports that Liam has been healthy and happy ever since and they were able to start writing a new chapter in their story shortly after.

Reflecting fondly on their adoption journey, Paul and Laura feel extremely fortunate and believe that every single hard bit of the adoption process was worth it to bring their amazing son – this child who was destined to be theirs – into their lives. The couple also feels incredibly grateful for his wonderful birth mother, with whom they regularly communicate.

Laura and Paul have spent the past year watching Liam grow, play and learn—especially witnessing his progression in learning Spanish at his daycare. Although the pandemic has limited what families have been able to partake in, the silver lining is that Paul, Laura and Liam have been able to spend a significant amount of time together. As pandemic conditions improve and as Liam gets older, they are looking forward to traveling and sharing more experiences as a family.

In hindsight, Laura and Paul stand strongly behind their decision to adopt. With the help of a great support system of family, friends, and Adoptions of Wisconsin, they were able to stay positive and focused on building a solid foundation for their family while waiting to share their love with a child. Laura reflects, “It’s not an easy path, but it is very worth it,” following up by teasing the next chapter of their journey: seeking to share their love with another child through adoption!

— Lynn Bodi is an Attorney and Shareholder of The Law Center, S.C. in Madison, Wisconsin (www.lawcenterwisconsin.com). She practices both adoption and ART law.

Home Sweet Home At Any Age

As an adoption professional for nearly 30 years, I have had the privilege of representing clients in over 2,500 adoptions. While the majority of those have been newborn adoptions, the ones that have really grabbed my heart are the adoptions older children and adults. My oldest adoptee was almost 60. There is no age limit in Florida on who can be adopted –. the desire to be a part of a family does not extinguish with age. The tears that are shed at these final hearings are often far sweeter knowing these families are created by mutual choice, as older adoptees must consent to their adoption.

Approximately 23,000 kids age out of foster care each year without being reunited with family or being placed in a permanent home. Without family or a dependable adult to rely on for guidance and assistance, their chances of success diminish. Many will not complete high school. Few will complete college. They are at higher risks for homelessness, joblessness, incarceration, depression, and suicide. They are victimized physically and susceptible to being trafficked. Many fall prey to financial scams, usury interest rates, and are subject to identity theft before they reach the age of 18. Many embark into adulthood with no one upon whom they can rely. Most still yearn for a family and a place to call home. There are over 71,000 waiting to be adopted.

For almost ten years my family and I have opened our hearts and our home to a number of these young people. Some have stayed but a few weeks or months, some for many years. Our walls are full of photos of our ‘extended family’. One day a very special young man named Derrick came into our lives. After many months, he asked us if we would adopt him. “You are already a part of our family” I said. “But I want to make it legal. Permanent.” he replied. So, we did.

On our adoption day we decorated our car with “It’s a boy” stickers and drove to the courthouse, joined by fifty or more of our family and friends. When the Judge asked him why he wanted to be adopted, he responded, “You never know what a difference you make in someone else’s life. I am thankful that my Mom touched mine and took her time to invest in me. As a result of her love and the love of my family, the pain of my years in foster care is beginning to be erased. I want to be an advocate like her to let others know that someone believes in them, and that they are defined not by their past but only by their dreams of the kind of person they want to be.”

At 11:30 AM, on a beautiful sunny Friday morning, the Judge legally pronounced us a family. Our tears of joy were shared by everyone present. We celebrated for three days so that those who could not make it to the hearing could still be a part of our official becoming a family.

Over the years our relationship has only deepened. My son has stretched us as much as we have him. In becoming a part of our family he has seen first-hand that being committed to one another does not mean that families are perfect, or that its members always agree with each other. Putting down permanent roots has given him the courage to spread his wings. When he first moved out of state, homesick and overwhelmed, he called and said, “I can’t do this, I want to come home.” After reassuring him that he could always come home, we talked through the problems and by morning he was resolved to stay and conquer his fears. It has been a privilege to watch him grow into the confident man he has become. He is an outspoken advocate and voice for those in care, fighting to increase their chances of becoming successful adults. In 2022 he will graduate from law school.

When asked “What can I do to increase the success for kids aging out of foster care?” we would encourage you to open your heart and your home to become a mentor or family for just one more, especially a teen or young adult. My son encourages everyone to adopt teens and young adults, whether in care or those who have aged out, saying, “When you adopt an older child at least you know what you are getting.” But that is one of those areas where we may not agree. We never knew on the day he chose us just how much more joy he would bring into our lives. We are so thankful he’s a part of our family and in following his advice, we adopted one more!

— Susan Stockham is a Fellow of AAAA and practices adoption and ART law in Florida

Derrick’s Adoption Day
Family Photo

Adoption Has Its Downs and Its Ups

I recently worked with a couple seeking to adopt a child to be born to a northern Virginia mother. Coordinating with a Virginia attorney whom I knew as a colleague from the Academy of Adoption and Assisted Reproduction Attorneys, arrangements were made to provide some financial assistance as permitted by the laws of Wisconsin and Virginia. The birth mother was somewhat elusive at times and was raising several of her own children. No father around. The couple flew to meet her and came away anxiously anticipating bringing home their first child. As time went by, the behavior of the birth mother raised concerns with me, our clients and the attorney in Virginia. It was decided that eventual placement was unlikely and our clients made the sad and difficult decision to withdraw.

As rarely happens, within days our clients were contacted concerning a possible placement from a birth mother in North Carolina. A NC Academy attorney was retained to coordinate the legal part of the placement. Our clients hopped in their car and drove straight through from Wisconsin to NC, met the baby boy, completed the NC and ICPC requirements and returned to Wisconsin with the little guy.

The story didn’t end there for me or our clients. Several weeks later my wife and I attended the 25th anniversary Gift of Adoption Fund dinner in Milwaukee. As many of you may know, the Gift of Adoption Fund raises money to give grants to adopting couples who need financial assistance to complete their adoptions. My wife and I were assigned to the table which was reserved for a grant family. GOAF honors a grant family at its annual dinner and has them talk about their adoption journey including how GOAF played an important role. I hadn’t met my clients in person for the VA and NC cases but communicated only by phone during our representation of them. We exchanged names and began chatting. It suddenly occurred to me that they were my clients. I was meeting my clients for the first time. The baby could not been better behaved for the entire evening, was absolutely adorable, and was cared for lovingly by both parents. Reflecting on the evening reminds me why I am so privileged to be an adoption attorney.

— Steve Hayes is a Fellow of AAAA and practices adoption and ART law in Wisconsin.

When It All Comes Together

Tyrone is in hospitality and his husband Howard is an educator. Like many gay male couples, they first met in the gym. But unlike lots of their friends, they both knew they wanted to be parents. The pandemic got them focused on moving forward toward fatherhood and they reached out to me for a match. Surprisingly and wonderfully soon thereafter, a fantastic expectant momma Jenny connected with me. She was recently out of work and was wanting to finish her schooling, and the birth father had also lost all job prospects in the pandemic and left the country. She knew she wasn’t ready to parent this child and began exploring options. Jenny was referred by a friend of her family who is a judge and knows my work (It helps to be Florida Bar board certified in adoption and a member of the prestigious Academy!) and Jenny decided the adoption path would be the best. Among the profiles shared with her, she excitedly chose Tyrone and Howard. Jeanne’s mom was super supportive of her adoption plan and she and her mom were all in with her “baby daddies.” The birth father agreed as well and signed off on his parental rights immediately, relieved that a solid plan was in place. Navigating the COVID restrictions in the hospital and the many understandable emotions that arose were challenging but it worked out well and everyone is doing great. One of the best parts is we were able to provide living expenses and necessary support to Jenny through the birth and for six weeks postpartum including providing substantial counseling which helped her get back on her feet and back to school. What a blessing all around! Happy National Adoption Month to all members of the adoption triad; we as adoption professionals are privileged to be a part of your journey!

— Elizabeth Schwartz handles adoptions and ART matters in Florida and is a Fellow os the Academy of Adoption & Assisted Reproduction Attorneys. Learn more about Liz and her practice on her website, http://www.elizabethschwartz.com/

Adoption Celebration – A Different Perspective

I had such a wonderful meeting over breakfast this morning with one of the women I advocate for through her adoption plan. She always looks so pretty, but today she arrived wearing something extra special… She shared that the beaded jewelry she wore around her waist was custom made to adorn her growing belly. She says she plans to keep the jewelry after her pregnancy as a momento of the child she plans to place with the incredible adoptive family she has chosen.

Adoption isn’t easy. Growing life inside of you then placing that life in the hands of another isn’t easy. Which is why I admire her so much for this thoughtful gesture. Indeed, tears have been and will be shed, but she is also allowing herself the space to celebrate this time, to cherish the memory of her pregnancy. She looked for the good in a hard place and found it.

I think that’s the key, the great big secret to happiness… not to somehow dodge all the tough stuff, but to find (and adorn) the beauty within it.

— Written by Malia Price, Destiny Adoption Services & Consulting, Inc.

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