• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Academy of Adoption & Assisted Reproduction Attorneys

Guide Advocate Protect

  • English
  • Español
  • 中文 (简体)
  • עברית
  • Français
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • About AAAA
    • News
    • Events
    • Join
    • Our Sponsors
    • Publications
    • History
    • Leadership
    • Awards
    • Governing Documents
    • Contact
  • Find An Attorney
    • Attorney Directory
    • Attorney Listings by State
    • Why You Need an Attorney
    • Selecting an Attorney in Adoption Matters
    • Selecting an Attorney in ART Matters
  • For Birth Parents
  • Adoption
    • Adoptive Parents
    • Adoption Professionals
  • Assisted Reproduction (ART)
    • Intended Parents
    • Surrogates
    • Donors
    • ART Professionals
    • Medical Professionals
    • ART Laws by State
  • Charitable Trust
    • Governance
    • Donate
    • Charitable Trust News
    • Apply for a Grant
    • Families We Are Helping
    • FAQs
  • Fellows Only

Let it Go: How one adoptive couple accepted open adoption

November 30, 2021 by AAAA-Admin

“The trees are about to show us how beautiful it can be to let things go.” – Unknown.

This summer I began representation of a young potential adoptive couple.  They live across the country, so when the expectant mother went into labor this fall the baby was born by the time they reached the small town Kansas hospital. The agency worker described to me the adoptive father’s tears as the biological father gently laid the newborn in his arms.  Shedding some fear, their dreams were finally coming true.

The couple had not been in direct contact with the biological mother. However, by all accounts their relationship was blooming as they spent time with her, so I was surprised when they voiced concerns regarding a meeting with the biological mother after discharge from the hospital. “What if she changes her mind?”  “What if she tried to leave with the baby?”  “What if the biological father comes?”  “What if she asks questions we don’t want to answer?”

We discussed their questions and concerns. We talked through their fears and the fears that the biological mother might be feeling. I asked them to focus on what good the meeting could do. With some hesitation, they agreed to the visitation.  They set aside their fear of the unknown and took a chance on what was possible.

The next day I was so happy to hear how the visit went. To their surprise, the biological father also came.  They said it had been difficult, but beautiful. They said they really couldn’t imagine it going any better. They left in awe of their child’s biological parents, so happy they had that time together.

Later, we worked out an open adoption agreement that included future visits between the biological mother and the adoptive parents. When I first spoke to the adoptive parents, they had not viewed visits positively.

The adoptive parents had expected to maintain an arm’s length relationship with the biological parents. They thought that they were protecting their adoption by not letting the biological family get too close.  But when they let go of some of their fears and insecurities, their capacity for love expanded. By releasing prior expectations of control, they prioritized their future relationship with their adoptive child by honoring the biological parents.

Adult adoptees have taught us that while the importance an adoptee feels towards their biological family varies, a child’s biological parent is always and will always be significant.  That biological connection will always be a huge part of a child’s story, and whether that part of their story is a positive or negative for them can be largely influenced by the child’s adoptive parents.

Many adoptive parents have to let go of countless expectations and anxieties when they adopt. It is not an easy task and it doesn’t end with the Decree of Adoption. This adoptive couple was able to start that journey, and were happier for it. They stopped seeking control and chose to start building a future they hadn’t planned.

Adoption isn’t perfect. Adoption certainly isn’t easy.  But sometimes, setting expectations aside, can make it beautiful.

As I listened to my clients tell me how in love with their son they were, I looked out across the November Kansas foliage and smiled.

— Megan Monsour is a AAAA Fellow practicing adoption law in Kansas. You can contact her through her law firm’s website, www.hinklaw.com.

Learn more about open vs. closed adoption

Primary Sidebar

  • About AAAA
  • News
  • Events
    • Annual Conference
    • Mid-Year Conference
      • Mid-Year Conference Materials (Password Required)
    • Webinars
  • Join
  • Our Sponsors
  • Publications
    • Resolutions
    • White Papers
    • Amicus Briefs
  • History
  • Leadership
    • Meet Our Officers
    • Meet Our Trustees
    • Past AAAA Presidents
  • Awards
  • Governing Documents
    • Ethics Code
    • Bylaws
    • Grievance Procedures
  • Contact

Archives

  • August 2022 (1)
  • March 2022 (1)
  • December 2021 (1)
  • November 2021 (23)
  • March 2021 (1)
  • February 2021 (1)
  • October 2020 (3)
  • September 2020 (1)
  • July 2020 (2)
  • May 2020 (1)
  • April 2020 (2)
  • March 2020 (3)
  • June 2019 (3)
  • March 2019 (4)
  • February 2019 (1)
  • October 2018 (2)
  • June 2018 (1)
  • April 2018 (2)
  • March 2018 (1)
  • February 2018 (1)
  • December 2017 (1)

Footer

AAAA Mission

The Academy of Adoption and Assisted Reproduction Attorneys (AAAA) is a credentialed organization dedicated to the competent and ethical practice of adoption and assisted reproduction law. It advocates for laws and policies to protect the best interests of children, the legal status of families formed through adoption and assisted reproduction, and the rights of all interested parties.

Contact Info

Academy of Adoption and Assisted Reproduction Attorneys (AAAA)
859 Riverside Drive, #9
Greenwood, IN 46142

T (317) 407-8422
Info@adoptionART.org

Quick Links

  • AAAA Directory
  • Why You Need an Attorney
  • Adoption
  • Assisted Reproduction (ART)
  • Join AAAA
  • Governing Documents

DISCLAIMER: The Academy of Adoption and Assisted Reproduction Attorneys (AAAA) website is designed for general information only. Nothing on this website establishes an attorney-client relationship with AAAA or any of its member-attorneys.  AAAA website content does not constitute legal advice from AAAA or its member-attorneys to any reader or to the general public.  The law constantly changes and varies across state and international borders.  Consult qualified legal counsel in your jurisdiction regarding your particular situation. Click here for the AAAA Attorney Directory. The names and contact information included on this site are for the purpose of searching for an attorney for a particular legal case. The contact information may not be used for commercial, promotional, or advertising purposes.

© 2018 Academy of Adoption and Assisted Reproduction Attorneys. All Rights Reserved.  Site Map | Privacy Policy